The Valley Is Aiming To Escape LA's Clutches
Eric Ellis, Van Nuys
11/15/1997
"WELCOME to Pornodelphia, the, like, totally awesome, sixth biggest city in the USA, dude."
If some in Los Angeles get their way, that's how you'll be greeted arriving in the northern part of this sprawling megalopolis, the notorious San Fernando Valley.
The jibe is a reference to one of "the Valley's" booming industries, hidden behind vast concrete boxes that cover whole blocks of the earthquake-prone expanse - and memorialised in the recently released Hollywood film Boogie Nights superbly casting Burt Reynolds as a porn film director.
"Pornodelphia" is just one of the names suggested for the would-be new city of more than 2 million people. The NBC Tonight show host, Jay Leno, has suggested "Smogadenia", "Hellholia", "Unknown Actorville" and, perhaps the cruellest cut of all for Californians, "Newer Jersey".
The valley's emerging city fathers, unsurprisingly real estate developers in the main, seem to be opting for the geographically challenged City of the San Fernando Valley - which would likely ensure it remains the butt of national mockery, having already established that status for its endless tracts of soulless suburbia, shopping malls, freeways and the near-indecipherable "Valleyspeak" and teenage "mallrat" culture that has come with them.
The San Fernando Valley is pursuing a very Californian phenomenon. It wants a divorce from LA.
And like most divorces, the grounds seem obvious: the Valley reckons it puts more into the relationship with LA than it gets out; it says it gives its other half its money but never gets enough back; the Valley wants its freedom, its independence, its, like, you know . . . space.
In California, the proceedings have generated as much debate as that other great would-be Pacific divorce, Australia from the monarchy.
And like the republican debate, there seems a certain inevitability to the split - a matter of when rather than if.
The pending separation does highlight the growing concerns that booming cities around the world are facing: how to best manage massive population growth and keep deliver ing functional urban services.
"This is a trend that will force cities around the country to look at their structures, which are essentially inherited and haven't been examined in a very long time," says Harvard University's Mr Howard Husock, a local government expert.
LA is reluctant to let the Valley go. Its malls and 2 million middle-class inhabitants are the bread and butter of the LA budget.
City spokeswoman Ms Noelia Rodriguez says: "One of the things that makes LA so powerful in the nation is its size, and that demands a lot of respect in Washington."
But angered by what local officials believe is inadequate attention from LA, a city that has become too large to govern, the Valley is angling for a break. The Valley says it contributes 38 per cent of LA's taxes, but gets back just 21 per cent in services.
LA is overseen by a 15-member city council - the same since 1876 - and just four represent the Valley.
"We think the principle of this country is you can't hold people against their will," the chairman of the secessionist lobby Valley Voters, Mr Jeff Brain, told Associated Press. "We're not a bunch of radicals."
With the Valley, LA has a population greater than 25 of the US States, or the cities of San Francisco, St Louis, Milwaukee, Miami, Boston, Pittsburgh, Minneapolis and New York's Manhattan borough combined.
The secession cause was given a fillip recently when California voted to enact a law removing LA's power to veto a Valley split. Pro-secessionists need the signatures of at least 150,000 Valley residents before moving to a city-wide vote.
And the split could come as early as 2000, which would be "like, wow, totally rad" - as in radical - for some of the nation's most celebrated and satirised people.